Fire and Ice

Sometimes in life people have self revelations. You know, like something that happens or you just think of something and realize anything really. Well I have had something similar happen to me not very long ago. A change. A light. See my world has been dark for what feels like centuries. The sun had been burnt out for quite some time. I had goals that I would have LIKED to fulfill but no motivation. For with motivation there is reason, and a question I'd ask myself everyday is what IS that reason? You know what reason I am talking about. Reason for everything and anything. Why should I get up this morning? Should I even get dressed? Should I move from my bed? For what? I felt like a weak soul clinging to an empty carcass. Carrying myself had become a chore. But then I started to get this feeling. In my stomach. In my head. I felt something was on its way to me, or I was on my way to something, down the path of time. Hell maybe we where aimed at each other. The hints I get have never failed me before. I remember telling someone about it. Well, I told a lot of people, but the only time I really explained it.. I think it was too my mum. I said, I can feel it. And the beauty of it is, all I have to do is sit on my ass and wait for it. And I did. I didn't push anything, I knew it'd happen. However, I didn't know it would capture me like it did. Laying next to you, kissing you, feeling you made me realize, you're what I have been waiting for. In so many ways. And I want to do better. Partly because you want me to... but mainly because you make me want to. When you look at me it's like you shine like into my world. And its okay when it's dark and you're not looking at me, because I know you will again because I will make sure of that. To have my source of pure happiness offering serenity and insanity all at once is an answer to my prayers from fucking somewhere, my wishes have been granted. The type of insanity that puts a smirk on your face. Your ecstasy is mine. When I make you laugh and smile I feel like a fucking god. You are something I've needed for a long time. But I don't think you could have come at a more perfect time. Being with you will improve me mentally, emotionally, and my everyday life. I mean this when I say I want to do whatever it is that will make you happy. You say the word, and I will do what I can in my power to make sure you get it. I dedicate myself to you. And the word lucky doesn't even begin to describe what I am, because you have chosen me. I refuse to let you down.

Levi Dalten Berg

A few times before I have encountered death. Whether it be a loved one or and suicide attempt. I was aware of it, the loss, of course I'd be upset but it was never something that could break me. Until death took you. I am not at all prepared for this, but who was? You being only 16, with such a good heart. Maybe its because no one could imagine life without you. I can't even now, and your gone. I sit here wondering to myself how family get-togethers are going to be without you. I don't think I could do it. The main thing I regret is not telling you something I've always wanted to tell you. I'm not really sure what I was waiting for. I guess that moment where it felt right to tell you that you are one of my heros. I looked up to you, like an older brother. I admired you. Every story you told me, I remember. Every word you said I took to heart, and are now locked away like a safe, and you have the key. I always thought when we were older and on our own that we would be not only family, but friends until the end, but this shouldn't have been the end. I remember one day at grandma and grandpa Barns' house... we were playing by the barn, and you we found a frog, and we were playing with it for awhile, and our demented asses through it in the chicken coop, that was crazy. Or how we would play tackle football or catch. And you never minded that I played even though I was goddamn terrible at it. I remember sitting up in your room with you every day after school when I went to Stark Co., I used to be excited to get up and start the school day and get it over with because I knew after school, I got to hangout with my cousin Levi. I always told people about you. How they just had to meet you because you're one of the coolest people in the world. I'd tell them stories about us when we were younger, and stories you'd tell me, they were always funny as hell, and would brighten my day. The first thing I'd ask Heather on the way to family events is "Is Levi there?" or "Is Levi going to be there?" And when she would reply yes I would act cool about it and say "Oh cool." when really on the inside I was giddy like a girl because I get to see my cuzzo. You and I are so much alike its crazy. You were the only person out of my biological family and step-family that I could fully relate to and it helped me feel a lot less alone. I'd feel awesome when you'd laugh at my jokes, because you were always the funniest person I knew. I cherish every moment I've spent with you, cuz. You were one of the things in my life that kept me going. I love you.

ifonlyyouknewiddropitall foryou•

Where do you go when no one seems to care? Where do you go when you know they won't understand? How do you tell them you don't want to be sober? How do you tell them you just can't take it? What does it take to stay sane? Why does my mind feel so unsafe? How do you deal with being alone? How do you know when to call somewhere home? Is it somewhere you love to be? Somewhere you feel complete? Somewhere you can be who you want to be? Are you supposed to feel free? Hello, person who I'm supposed to make feel that way.. Can you please come a find me? Can you do it for me too? We can fly to the beach, the mountain, the tree tops, I'll take you there. I know you're out there, but where?

I need not say anything, for this video says it all... 

Questions?

Still struggling with myself. What is life? Are we all living a dream? Are we all figments of another creatures imagination. Are we like ants in an ant farm? Being watch from afar? Is life just a bunch of lessons for what? So we can die unhappy? Or when your old and frail do you finally get a break? I'm sure if it all happens for a reason, and I have these thoughts, its for a reason. I am me for a reason. But what reason? Maybe the reason is just to die. Maybe I am meant to change lives. I feel I am only a negative impact on it all. I give great advise, how do I apply that to my own life? Why is it so hard to apply my advise to my own life? My life so far has been a viscous circle. Is this because I continuously make the same mistake? Or is something bigger out there trying to tell me something? All these questions, questions, questions. I want some answers.

Street Jesus

Peoria, Illinois most favorite homeless person... Willie York. I remember seeing him around downtown Peoria when I was younger but thought he was nothing more then a crazy old man. After watching this I now know, he's much more than that.