Theysayyouflywhenyou die •

I feel that it is mentally unhealthy for me that I repeatedly get lost in the thought of death. Not the idea of dying but more so what happens once it's all over and your dead. Perhaps there is a Heaven and Hell. Maybe the God or ruler of Heaven and Hell isn't the God most of the world has centered their life around or the Devil the world has feared. Wouldn't that belief be the thought of an agnostic? That there is indeed a God, a higher power, but you have no discovered it yet. Maybe once our bodies are aged and dead we are then reincarnated as another living thing. Anything from another human being, to a frog, to a bird in the sky, to a tiny little molecule. But then if reincarnations are what awaits us, then surely we have already been reincarnated many times without the memory of it which would mean whenever we do die and are reincarnated that's it and we do not remember anything. The happiness, depression, struggle, all of what we work for is gone. That thought causes the thought in my head "What's the point?" Maybe when we die, that's it. We're nothing more. Or we float around in some world or dimensions only as souls. Maybe we currently live in Hell on earth and when we die we are punished for our sins by being forced to stay here and be continuously reminded of why we were left here. Or we relive all of the insanely shitty things we have been through.

Thinking about these things puts me in a mental panic ended with crying. Is this normal? To have these thoughts?